Islamic Self Help – Page 40 – Islam + Self Help = Success in Both Worlds

Aug

2018

Unedited Thoughts #1: Homework, Homeschool and the concept of teenagers

A New Unedited Style Of Writing

I’ve decided to try out a new style of writing for this blog: unedited thoughts.

I haven’t been able to post on this blog for many months because my writing has been stunted by too many factors: political correctness, worrying about the readers’ feelings, SEO issues, and focusing too much on catchy headlines.

So I’m trying something new.

These past few months, I have found myself writing more consistently when I write to myself. My unedited thoughts flow much better when I don’t worry about sentence structure, grammar, political correctness or offending the liberals and extremists.

Eventually, I decided to start posting these thoughts. Thus giving you a glimpse into my unedited mind.

This is the first in a new series of articles which are simply my raw unedited thoughts on topics I care about. I will post them as a write them, without worrying about whether people will be offended or not. Instead, I hope people will engage with me in discussing these topics and developing new solutions to the problems facing the ummah.

So here are today’s unedited thoughts on three topics: homeschool, homework and teenagers.

The Happy Child

Happy.

That’s how I’d describe a homeschooled child.

Happy, excited, enthusiastic and loving life!

We really don’t realize how negatively school affects children until we meet a child who hasn’t been through the traditional school system.

Compare these two ten year old boys:

One loves to read, play, explore, and spend time with family. He can engage you on almost any topic: business, politics, history, religion, entertainment. And he speaks with confidence and excitement about a multitude of topics.

The other has only one interest: his videogames. He hates school, find life boring, is always stressed out about exams and homework, and just wants to play videogames. Videogames are the only escape from his stressful life.

The first child is how I would describe most 10 year old homeschooled boys I have met. The second is how I would describe almost any 10 year old schoolboy I have to teach or counsel.

The first is natural. The second is not.

Stress and Homework

Homework is not what it used to be.

It used to be hard…now it is unbearable.

Homework has become a genuine cause of stress for many parents and children.

Why?

More importantly, why do we even have such a concept as homework?

My experience is that humans don’t need that much time to learn something. They do not need 6 hours of school every day for 13 years, along with 3 hours of homework. Nobody does.

A child learns a lot more with 3 hours of discussion, interaction and research a day, than with an entire week of school and homework.

Throw it away. Homework is a useless concept that is ruining childhood.

If society cared about children’s mental health, they would get rid of the concept of homework altogether. It is really unnecessary and serves no real purpose.

Let school hours be learning time, and home hours be recovery time. Children need space and free time to recover, recharge, and absorb what they learned during the day.

Get rid of homework and just let them be.

Stunted Development

The twelve year old homeschooler is considering starting his own business, and already has his goals and career mapped out.

The thirty year old who went to school and university still lives with his parents, playing videogames all day and is still ‘figuring life out’.

What went wrong with our education system?

Many things but I want to highlight just two:

1. Too many years of schooling

Children do not need 13 years of school. I believe schooling from age 7 until 12 is enough to live a fulfilling life.

I wish I had a way to convince the world about this, and reform the world’s education systems accordingly. 5 or 6 years is enough to teach people everything they need to know about language, maths, life and religion.

After that, education should be self-directed and personal.

High School is one of humanity’s worst inventions.

Don’t believe me?

Spend a day in your local High School and ask yourself what is the point of everything you see around you. This leads me to point two.

2. Lack of clarity regarding what is an adult

For the first time in human history, we have 30 year old children. Why? Because we have no clue how to define an adult, so some people just never grow up…ever!

In Islam, it is very clear: puberty = adulthood.

This is agreed upon by all schools of thought. Yet I have even had Muslim parents challenge me on this and refuse to accept this, because it isn’t what the dominant culture teaches.

What does the dominant culture teach is an adult?

18? 21? 32?

There really is no logical method to work it out, just arbitrary numbers.

Islam is clear and biologically sound: humans that have a sex drive are adult, humans that haven’t developed one yet are children.

Society must start considering puberty as the differentiator between adults and children again. Or else, we may end up with a generation of 75 year old children. (It’s coming…believe me)

What is a teenager anyway?

Throughout human history, humans post-puberty were considered young adults. They started working, went through rites of passage, got married, and started living their lives.

Then in the past century, we invented a concept called Teenagers. We took a bunch of sexually-charged young adults, threw them together in a prison (High School) for a few years, and decided to just make that a normal part of life.

I really believe one reason why teenagers are so rebellious and angry is because their bodies are saying one thing and society is saying another.

Their bodies are saying: I’m an adult now, treat me as one, and give the rights of one.

Society says: You are not a little kid anymore, but not one of us yet either. You are meant to be a problem, so we’ll just ignore you for a few more years.

Here is one simple tip for raising teens that are less rebellious: treat them as adults.

Treat a teenager as an adult, and he will behave more respectfully, more maturely, and more confidently. He knows what he is and understands the changes to his body better. This will ease his mind and help him find his way in life faster.

Want to learn more about homeschooling, join my free online course by clicking here.

Jul

2018

The Problem With Self-Confidence Theories

“You are the Captain of your own ship!”

This statement negates belief in Qadar (destiny). Reality is that even if we think we are the captains of our own ships, God still controls the weather and the waters.

“You can accomplish anything you want to, you just need to want it bad enough!”

Nope!

Again, there is the matter of Qadar, resources, human limitations, and a variety of other factors.

These two common quotes represent the problem with most self-confidence theories.

The Egocentric Problem

The first problem with Self-Confidence theories is that they focus too much on the Nafs (self). Which is were it gets its name.

Self-Confidence today is obsessed with the self, overestimating the self, thinking all good and victory is from the self, and your self being all you need.

This level of egocentricism is unislamic. It goes against two primary Muslim beliefs: Belief in God and Belief in Destiny.

Removing God and Destiny from the Equation

Secular theories tend to be devoid of spirituality. This is why Muslims must be very careful about adopting secular beliefs, even in the field of self-help.

The problem with self-confidence theories is one example of this.

By focusing on the self, the existence of God is ignored. One’s gifts are no longer gifts from God, but one’s own achievements. God is never thanked. God’s help is almost never sort. And victory isn’t attributed to God.

By distancing yourself from God, you may achieve worldly success, but at what spiritual cost? As Muslims, we cannot afford to hold any beliefs that distance us from our Creator.

A Muslim firmly believes that Allah created them and their abilities. Allah gave them their gifts to test them. It is Allah who controls their destiny and grants them victory. And Allah must be thanked whenever things go our way.

Belief in Destiny

Qadar (destiny) is one of the six pillars of faith. To disbelieve in it is Kufr, and to ignore it is problematic.

Muslims must strive to be their best, while remembering that Allah is in control.

Because success is from Allah. And trials and obstacles are tests from Allah.

In fact, lack of victory is the Wisdom of Allah and a means of training us. So our confidence must be rooted in our belief in Qadar.

The Islamic Solution

It is because of these clashes that I developed the Islamic Self-Confidence theory. This theory is expounded in my eBook, Best Of Creation: An Islamic Guide to Self-Confidence. I also cover it in details in “The Ultimate Islamic Self-Confidence Course“.

The theory is summary is as follows:

Allah created us in the best of forms and has gifted each of us with different strengths.
We must use these God-given gifts to make this world a better place and be our best.
So we must trust God (Tawakul), and seek His Assistance (dua) when chasing our goals.
We must chase our goals with full confidence in Our Creator and the abilities He has blessed us with.
After making our best effort, we must accept our destiny (Qadar) for what it is, and then repeat these five steps.

This model will keep a believer confident and consistently moving forward, while remaining grounded in the Islamic belief system. I believe that this is the self-confidence model that Muslims should adopt and follow.

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Jun

2018

Incorrect Beliefs that are killing your confidence

This is an extract from our bestselling eBook: Best of Creation: An Islamic Guide To Self-Confidence.

This was covered in the previous chapter (of Best Of Creation) to some extent, when we discussed the concept of arrogance and humility. That is an example of just one wrong belief that kills confidence. There are others too. For example, the belief that it is wrong to desire and try to obtain the good things of this world.

Is Wealth a bad thing?

Some Muslims look down upon the wealthy, and regard the pursuit of Halal wealth as evil. In this way, they limit their own potential and get in the way of their own success. If you look at the Sahaba, many of them were wealthy businessmen and this did not take away from their piety at all. Classic examples of this include Abu Bakr, Umar, Uthman and Abdur Rahman Ibn Auf who were all wealthy businessmen and among the ten greatest companions.

In fact, through their Halal wealth they were able to do more good deeds than others by engaging in charity and humanitarian efforts that those with less wealth couldn’t do. The prophet (peace be upon him) never condemned them or stopped them from doing business and getting richer. He just emphasized that the wealth should be Halal, spent on good things and should not consume the heart in a way that leads to the disobedience of Allah or the oppression of his creation.

A Hadith about Wealth

The following narration is evidence that the Prophet (peace be upon him) and his companions regarded Halal wealth as a good thing:

Abu Hurairah reported that the poor amongst the emigrants came to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) and said, “The wealthy have obtained the highest ranks and the lasting bliss,” The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “How is that?” They said, “They pray as we pray, and they observe fast as we observe fast, and they give charity but we do not give charity, and they set slaves free but we do not set slaves free,”

Upon hearing this, the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “Shall I not teach you something by which you will catch up with those who have preceded you, and get ahead of those who come after you, only those who do as you do will excel you?” They said, “Yes, Oh Messenger of Allah.” He said, “Praise Allah, declare His Greatness, and Praise Him thirty-three times after every prayer,”

Abu Salih said that the poor amongst the emigrants returned to the Messenger of Allah (peace upon him) saying, “Our brothers, the wealthy have heard what we have done and they did the same,” So the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “This is Allah’s blessing which He gives to whom He wishes.”[1]

In this narration, it is clear that the Prophet (peace be upon him) and his companions viewed wealth as a blessing from Allah that can be used for great deeds. And they competed in doing such deeds. In fact, the poorer companions envied the wealthy companions. Not for any negative reason, but because they wanted to do as much charity work as their wealthier brothers.

The blind leading the blind

Another incorrect belief that leads to low self-confidence is the belief in blind following of elders. Many Muslim communities teach young people that you can never be as good as, as intelligent as, or as knowledgeable as the early Muslims. Since you can never be like them, don’t even try! Just follow the local school of thought and conform. As a result, many young minds, who could have grown into Mujtahids[2] and great scholars, end up wasting their potential due to this self-defeating belief.

If you think about it, this belief is both illogical and baseless. There is nothing in the Quran or Sunnah that indicates that latter Muslims cannot rise up to the intellectual levels of early scholars, and psychologically it doesn’t make any sense either. So, on what grounds can we claim that people today who work hard enough cannot become great scholars? It is self-defeating beliefs like this that hold back the ummah from returning to its former glory.

Are you working to achieve your destiny?

Another incorrect belief that holds people back is a misunderstanding of Qadar (Destiny). A fatalistic approach to Qadar leads to the victim mentality. Many people assume they are just victims of a bad destiny and that their lives can never improve. As a result, they live each day complaining about all the problems in their lives. But never doing anything proactive to fix them.

Qadar is a complex theological issue and this is not the place for a detailed discussion. Suffice to say that the Islamic concept of Qadar does not negate free will or responsibility. It provides a context for understanding things beyond our control and helps us remain humble. But it is not meant to keep us down.

Islam teaches us to focus on solutions and finding a way out of our problems. If Allah puts us in a test, part of that test is rising above the problems and growing through it. And this cannot be done with a defeatist or fatalistic attitude.

Is the Afterlife all about Hellfire?

One more belief that needs to be discussed is an overemphasis on punishment and Hellfire. Some Muslim communities talk about sin in the most condemning of language and leave people with no hope of repentance. This leads to despair, low self-confidence and loss of any hope.

Islam teaches us to find a balance between fear and hope. Furthermore, both of these emotions should be based on love of Allah. Our love for Allah should lead to us hoping for His Mercy whenever we slip. Yet being fearful enough of displeasing Him to avoid living a sinful lifestyle. This fear is rooted in love. Just like a child fears displeasing its parents, a believer fears displeasing his Creator. Yet, just like a loving parent forgives the child for its mistakes, Allah is Most-Forgiving and accepts all repentance. As a result, there is no room for losing hope in His Mercy.

Conclusion

These are some of the most common causes of low self-confidence. Overcoming any of these requires changing some of our beliefs, habits and thinking patterns. This can be done with the right guidance. Inshaa Allah, this book will assist you in rising up to the challenge of life and overcoming any obstacles along the way.

[1] Saheeh Muslim 4:1239

[2] Mujtahid: A person who makes Ijtihad i.e. someone who has the skills, knowledge and intellectual capabilities to deduce rulings for contemporary Fiqh issues

This was extracted from Best of Creation. Purchase the full eBook today to continue learning more about how to gain self-confidence the Islamic Way.

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Jun

2018

Studying Islam: Going Beyond Requirements

I have been studying Islam since the age of thirteen across a variety of institutes. During this time, I have observed the study habits of different students. I have also observed the impact these habits have on that student’s life.

In doing so, I noticed a very important trend: The students who became the leading scholars of their communities are…Those students who not only excel at the prescribed work but went beyond that and dedicated extra time to studying Islam.

Curriculum and Limitations

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Every Islamic institute has a set curriculum. The curriculum serves multiple benefits. These include giving students a structured approach to learning. As well as taking them from elementary knowledge progressing upward towards more complicated books. And finally providing a framework of reference to evaluate learning.

However, many people misunderstand the purpose of a curriculum. They look at it as all they need to study. As a result, they never study anything outside the curriculum. The problem with this approach is that it leads to a limited understanding of the subjects. The danger is compounded when the student thinks he is knowledgeable in the field.

Students of knowledge must realize that their prescribed curriculum is not a comprehensive study of everything there is to know of each topic. Rather the curriculum usually includes introductory level books to familiarize the student with each science and field.

The people setting the curriculum do so with the understanding that the chosen book will give the student the necessary tools to explore advanced books in the field on their own or with other teachers. It was never meant to be a limit on their knowledge intake.

Types of Students:

The few students who realize this are the ones who truly excel and become the leaders in their field. Imagine for example, if a university is offering an introductory level course on Fiqh Maxims.

In such a course, it is common to find three types of students:

1) The lazy student who just passes the exams by memorizing the minimum that is necessary to pass. Such a student is most likely to forget that knowledge afterwards. And will not be able to apply it outside the examples mentioned in the textbook.

2) The dedicated student who limits himself to the textbook. This student will likely do well in the exam. Maybe even be able to benefit from the knowledge and utilize it outside the classroom. However, such a student may not be aware of the detailed application of the principles, the differences of opinion and the intricate details because he limited himself to an introductory textbook.

3) The student who is dedicated to master the topic. This student will not only learn what is in the textbook but will go beyond that. He will ask the teacher for recommended resources on the topic, ask questions about differences of opinion and intricate issues, study each topic from multiple angles and viewpoints, and emerge from the course with a stronger understanding of the topic.

This is the kind of student who is most likely to become a Mujtahid and utilize his knowledge to solve contemporary Fiqh issues and lead his society in reformation.

Why it matters

While studying on this level is not obligatory, it is definitely beneficial and something that the ummah is in dire need off today.

We live in a time when the majority of Muslims are confused and do not have scholars who are qualified to solve their problems. The current generation of students need to make it their objective to grow into such scholars.

We need to dedicate our lives to going beyond what is expected of us and to go deeper into every field we study. Our objective being to benefit the ummah through that knowledge.

How to go deeper

There are many ways to go deeper into a field while studying the textbook with your teacher. The following are some of the most practical methods:

1) Study longer hours than the average student. There is big difference between someone who studies two hours a day and someone who studies five hours a day. The latter is likely to end up with more than double the knowledge of the former in the same time-frame. Make it a habit to go the distance and dedicate extra time to study.

2) Ask a lot of questions. The leading students of knowledge throughout history were known as inquisitive students before they become scholars.

Even among the companions, Ayesha Bint Abi Bakr (RA) and Abu Hurairah (RA) were known for asking deeper questions. This led to them become the leading scholars of their generation. The same method applies today. If you want to understand a concept deeper, ask your teachers the kind of questions that will give you a stronger understanding of the topic.

3) Study beyond the textbook. Ask your teachers or the senior students for recommended resources in the field that you are studying, make it a point and study those resources.

If there are four famous books on a topic, don’t limit yourself to the one prescribed as your textbook. Make time to read the other three as well. Studying such resources will give you a deeper understanding of the topic as well as open your eyes to differences of opinion and different approaches.

4) Attend supplementary classes. Research and find other classes on the topic you are studying, even if it means requesting a scholar to teach you a deeper book privately. Many scholars teach private classes outside their work time for the dedicated students and will be happy to accommodate such a request.

5) Never stop studying. This final point is crucial. Many people never study beyond the curriculum for the rest of their lives and are content with the introductory level courses. This limits your ability to benefit from your knowledge or benefit others with it.

In order to become a true scholar of Islam, you must embark of a life-long journey of seeking knowledge. You must be dedicated to being a student of knowledge for life. The thirst for knowledge should never feel quenched. There should always be a desire to learn more, to understand deeper, and to get closer to Allah through such knowledge.

Written by Shaykh Ismail Kamdar. Shaykh Ismail has spent almost two decades studying Islam and is the author of multiple books. All his ebooks can be found here.

Apr

2018

5 Ways To Build Your Self-Confidence

There are many ways to build your self-confidence. In my book, Best of Creation: An Islamic Guide To Self-Confidence, you will learn dozens of self-confidence boosting tips and lessons.

Here are 5 tips extracted from that book. You can purchase the full eBook here.

1. Focus on your strengths

Every one of us have both strengths and weaknesses. When we focus too much on our weaknesses, we tend to become pessimistic and lose our confidence. A simple shift in attitude towards thinking about your strengths instead will give you a boost in confidence.

Identify your strengths, give them attention, develop them, and choose goals that utilize them. In doing so, you will maximize the productivity of your life and maintain high levels of confidence.

2. Learn new skills

There are so many things we don’t know, and every new skill we learn can transform our lives for the better. Learning a new skill gives you confidence in your own abilities. You realize that you have the capabilities to continuously grow and become a better person, and it motivates you to pursue even higher goals.

It could be a simple skill like driving or using or computer, or something more complex like learning new languages or studying towards a degree. Whatever it is, learning new skills benefits you as an individual, gives you more value as a person and helps you fulfil your life goals.

3. Increase your knowledge

Never stop learning. Too many of us close our books forever after school or university and as a result, we limit our potential. The truly great people who accomplish wonders with their lives are those who remain students for life.

Take up new courses, explore new areas of interest, read new books, or attend a new class. Whatever method you choose to study, just keep at it and keep learning new things. In this way, you are always growing, and continuous growth continuously increases confidence.

4. Take up public speaking

The number one fear of most people is public speaking. In fact, some people fear public speaking more than death itself!

This is why learning to speak in public is one of the most powerful ways to build self-confidence. If you can overcome your fear of public speaking, you can overcome any other worldly fear.

Take up a course in public speaking, and slowly start developing this skill and overcoming this fear. You might just discover that you have a talent for it and then you can use this talent to benefit the ummah. Even if you don’t, the very task of overcoming this fear will give you confidence in other areas of your life.

A True Story

When I was a child, I was very timid and quiet. I was the quiet boy at the back of the class who never spoke up or put myself in the spotlight. I never imagined that one day I would speak in public professionally. During my teenage years, a classmate and I used to skip our turns at public speaking class by pretending to be sick. One day, we made a deal that if he speaks during his turn, I will speak during mine.

Purchase the eBook to learn more.

He ended up holding up his end of the deal so I was forced into a situation in which I had to speak in front of a group of a few dozen fellow students. I still remember my nervousness and fear. I had written out a speech about unity and read it directly from the paper in front of the group, and afterwards many students came to praise me telling me I had a natural public speaking voice.

My friend never spoke again in public since that day, but I am grateful to him for pushing me to break my fear. Over the years, I attended courses, listened to criticisms and slowly improved my public speaking skills as it became something I do professionally and enjoy doing too.

Learning to speak in public was one of the defining moments in my life that boosted my confidence and shaped my future. You too can have such a confidence boost by overcoming your fear of public speaking too.

5. Practice, Practice, Practice!

Nobody is born a master of any skill. We all are born with certain built in strengths and weaknesses, but we can develop those strengths into real assets with constant practice. As a child, I loved to write, and as a teen I discovered that I was good at public speaking.

Looking back though, my early writing and public speaking skills weren’t all that good. I just kept practicing over the years, listening to criticism, reading articles, attending courses, and working on continuous improvement, and I continue to do so today.

If you discover you are good at something, don’t let it stop there. Take whatever you are good at and practice it until you become an expert in it. Doing so will boost your confidence and make you an asset to your community.

Learn more self-confidence tips!

These are just five, out of dozens, of self-confidence building lessons that you will learn from Best Of Creation. Purchase the eBook today to continue your journey towards Self-Confidence. Click here to purchase the eBook.

A New Unedited Style Of Writing

The Happy Child

Stress and Homework

Stunted Development

What is a teenager anyway?

The Problem With Self-Confidence Theories

The Egocentric Problem

Removing God and Destiny from the Equation

Belief in Destiny

The Islamic Solution

Want to learn more about Islamic self-confidence?

Incorrect Beliefs that are killing your confidence

Is Wealth a bad thing?

A Hadith about Wealth

The blind leading the blind

Are you working to achieve your destiny?

Is the Afterlife all about Hellfire?

Conclusion

Studying Islam: Going Beyond Requirements

Curriculum and Limitations

Types of Students:

Why it matters

How to go deeper

5 Ways To Build Your Self-Confidence

1. Focus on your strengths

2. Learn new skills

3. Increase your knowledge

4. Take up public speaking

A True Story

5. Practice, Practice, Practice!

Learn more self-confidence tips!

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